Oh Mother, where art thou?

Lately I've been a sounding board for people's opinions regarding advanced reproductive technology and third-party reproduction.

I don't know if it's because of my candor of my current journey or if it's because I'm more sensitive and aware of the intricacies of the psycho-social-biological components that are involved. Whatever the case -- I feel propelled to voice some of the expressed questions, suggestions, and bold statements that have socked me in the gut recently.

I know that some people have intense opinions about reproduction and reproductive rights. This includes all areas of reproduction including: abortion and termination, adoption, stem cell research, embryo creation and freezing, embryo adoption and disposition, gamete donors, and yours truly (a gestational carrier). Opinions and attitudes vary greatly and passionately across all of these topics. Some of them are faith-based - while others are due to a lack of fundamental understanding. These topics are complex and my goal here is not to change anyone's minds -- but instead add a little heart to the discussions at hand. After all -- mine is just another opinion - albeit based in scientific knowledge and fueled by personal experience. It is still an opinion at the end of the day. One that people can agree or disagree with.

Furthermore I would like to discuss the idea of motherhood and parentage. After all -- what a more perfect day to do this on seeing that it is Mother's Day.

So here are some comments that have managed to ruffle this stork's feathers recently:

Referring to being a gestational carrier: "I don't know how you can do this. Don't you feel like you are giving up your baby?"

Referring to egg donation: "Do you ever see people aren't able to love their child because it's not really theirs?"

Referring to sperm donation: "I don't understand it. Looking at a catalog for the father of your baby? I mean, Jesus, you might as well go to a bar!"

Referring to babies from IVF: "I don't feel like they are real babies. Like there is something wrong with them. Like synthetic humans."

Referring to IVF: "Obviously if people can't get pregnant on their own. They weren't meant to be parents."

Every single one of these statements left me breathless. Some of them I have out-right answered -- and some of them I've let fall on empty space -- letting silence be the response.

Some of these are dangerous thoughts. Some imply that we have control or an implied duty to monitor and police motherhood and parenting. And yes -- in my life I have felt that there does need to be some policing. But at what cost? And where do we draw the lines? We live in a world where a woman can abuse drugs during her pregnancy and not be charged for child abuse (only three out of fifty states have laws against it). We live in a world where having an extreme amount of children makes you a minor celebrity. We live in a world where teen pregnancy catapults you onto magazine covers. We live in a world where only a handful of celebrities "come-out" about needing IVF like it's a shameful thing. We live in a world where one of the first questions a single mom gets asked is "Where's the father?"

We live in a world where men are quoted seven times more than women on the subject of reproductive health.

Our lines are blurred as far as connecting ethics, morals, laws, and general attitudes regarding reproduction. The most important thing that needs to be focused on is the health of the baby and the health of the mother. The second most important thing that seems to get lost in the shuffle - is the intention of the pregnancy. If the intention of the pregnancy is to bring unconditional love and life to this world. How can there be any negative opinion about that?

This brings me to my next topic -- the graduation to motherhood. Motherhood comes in different forms - some traditional (like giving birth to a baby and raising the child). And some are a little more complex (like step-moms, foster moms, or godparents that became sole providers after a tragedy). The thing that binds these women all together is the notion of unconditional love and the responsibility for another life. A life that is nourished and flourished over the years - and that doesn't stop once a certain age or milestone hits. This love is not altered by method of delivery or genetic ties to the child.

It is a sacred circle that I love being apart of.

Happy Mother's Day to all of my fellow women - who have loved a child more than themselves and who know sacrifice, loss, hope, and accomplishment.

Baby Stats:

Gestational Age: 14 weeks 0 days (Beginning of 2nd trimester officially)

Size: Lemon

Development: Facial expressions, production of urine, thumb sucking

Stork Sensations: Time for new clothes....