Last Month Standing

Here we are in the home stretch!

The pregnancy has been pretty textbook. I passed the gestational diabetes screen with flying colors. My GBS swab came back negative. My blood pressure has been stable and unremarkable throughout the weeks. So far - Annabella has been measuring right down to the day as far as fetal development goes. My uterus measurements have been coinciding with my gestational week perfectly - and I've gained a total of 15 pounds since my first OB visit in March. Now comes the textbook symptoms of the last month of pregnancy: increased discomfort, exhaustion, insomnia, heartburn/indigestion, constipation, etc.

Yet in spite of having a textbook pregnancy -- I am going to use this blog entry to explore the strange phenomenon of having a very public pregnancy. Perhaps I didn't notice it as much when I was pregnant with Jacob. I was probably distracted with the thoughts of planning for a baby to come home. Since I am not encumbered with thoughts about setting up a nursery, a looming baby shower, or daydreaming of baby names -- I have really noticed how easily (and almost borderline entitled) it is for people to make assessments about my pregnancy. In the last 25 weeks I have heard more comments about my body than in the last 25 years.

A pregnant body goes through rapid physiological change in an extremely short span of time. Internal organs are shifted - blood volume is increased by 40% which subsequently puts extra stress on the heart and lungs. Yet all is ever focused on is the growing belly and how "your face didn't even get fat at all!" Gee thanks -- I'll be thankful for that the next time I'm puking up my dinner because of the insane indigestion I'm having. Then there's the added bonus of peeing myself every time I puke. But don't fret -- I've gotten pretty creative over the last 4 weeks. I've now resorted to puking in the tub so I don't have to worry about peeing all over any bathroom rugs anymore.

I digress -- back to the subject at hand: Pregnancy Commentators. My nurse friends are excluded from this group -- since they are privy to more information than the average bear. So bouncing commentary about the pregnancy has been most welcome because we are keeping it in the family. What I am referring to is the random comment from someone standing behind me in the grocery store line ("WOW you look like you're ready to pop!") or from a pharmaceutical rep that happens to spend 15 minutes with me every few months ("You can't even tell you're pregnant from behind!"). Right down to a stranger in a bookshop touching my belly and telling me that she could "feel" like I was having a boy because the way I looked. I even had someone comment on what I was wearing because it "fit me appropriately for the pregnancy."

Why do people feel compelled to comment so candidly about a woman's body solely because she is pregnant? You would never hear anyone talk to someone who was obese about what clothes looked appropriate on them. You would never hear someone say "Hey, I couldn't even tell you were bald from this angle." So what is it about a pregnant woman that people are drawn to make unnecessary commentary?

This is compounded when strangers start asking more invasive questions. Like when a check-out clerk was staring at my belly and then blurted out - "Is this your first?" (skipping all usual pleasantries like Did you find everything ok? or How are you doing today? - Nope - straight to the belly) "No, it's my second pregnancy." (I do my best to frame answers in the context of not referring to my bump as "my baby.") "What are you having?" (At this point lots of answers come to my mind: Well -- I'm having heartburn. I'm having low back pain. I'm having constipation. I'm having trouble sleeping. I'm having trouble with basic tasks like putting on my shoes or getting up and down stairs. But I know she's talking about the gender of the tiny human inside of me.) "It's a girl." (again trying not to place possession). And then here it comes... "Oh! I have two girls! Girls are the best!" I'm instantly annoyed. I don't understand the obsession placed on favoring one gender or another -- especially talking to someone who is growing a baby. What if I was carrying a boy -- would she have still told me that "girls are the best"? Or would she have given me a look of pity and not known what to say? Or I've even experienced the opposite reaction -- the same string of questions asked and answered but followed with the additional "What do you have at home?" "I have a son - he's 3." And then a look of relief washes over them. I can see them thinking -- Thank God she has a boy! I suddenly feel like I'm in the Middle Ages. Whatever happened to just being happy with a healthy baby? And even more forgotten - a healthy pregnancy? When a pregnant person stands before you -- and they are a stranger or a little known acquaintance - There should only be two things that are said to her:

1) How are you feeling?

- AND-

2) You look great! (or insert any other positive adjective - beautiful, lovely, radiant, etc) Because I guarantee you she feels like garbage.

And actually -- wouldn't the world be a better place if we said this to every woman? Regardless if they are carrying a pregnancy or not? I would love to be checking out at the store and have someone ask me how I'm feeling and then tell me that I look beautiful. That would make my whole day! -- heck -- it would probably make my whole week. (As long as it didn't have a creepy undertone - but just a genuine compliment).

I believe society as a whole forgets how vulnerable a pregnant woman is - especially in her last month. Not only is she struggling from the the physical constraints -- but her mind is consumed with the stress of a new baby and the fears associated with a pending delivery. Subsequently - after the baby arrives - all the focus shifts from her once pregnant state to the new baby. This is the time that those two previous statements have even more of an impact: How are you feeling? You look great. I see it over and over at the hospital. Once the baby is born -- the flood of visitors surround the baby and leave the mother. Physiologically this time is when a woman ends her pregnancy. The placenta that was once supplying an overabundance of hormones is laying somewhere in a plastic bucket. And the baby that was once inside is being held by someone else. Usually the only person left by her side is her nurse - a stranger who just helped her deliver her baby.

My message behind this post is for everyone to take a minute to recognize the fragility of a woman pending delivery and shortly thereafter. And also to recognize her strength. For she carries more than just a tiny human that dances within. My message is to be more conscious about the language we use when we speak to a pregnant or newly delivered mom. For we are more than just a carrying case for a baby and we are more than a walking pile of symptoms wrapped up in flattering maternity wear.

And speaking of maternity wear.... We finally got the maternity shots back from the photographer. Here are some of my favorites:

Over the next few weeks I will be wrapping up things at work (all three jobs for that matter). I'm already planning ahead of what to pack for my brief hospital stay. My next post will be after the delivery (unless something cookoo happens). Thank you in advance to my team that will be there for me in addition to the ones that will be taking care of me afterwards. I have appreciated your support through this unorthodox journey. You have helped me stretch my aching limbs, brought me a change of scrubs if I couldn't hold it all in, made me laugh, and told me that I have looked fabulous during each and every week.

You all know who you are -- and I am so grateful to have all of you on this ride with me.

Baby Stats:

Gestational Age: 37 weeks 6 days

Size: Swiss Chard

Development: full head of hair!

Stork Sensations: See above in case you didn't absorb all of those graphic details. ;-)